I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
