I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
