Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
