you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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