I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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