I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
