do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
