Don't make out with my wife yet
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
