So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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