a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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