i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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