either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
