Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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