Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
