Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
