i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
