I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
