NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
