On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
