tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
