I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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