It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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