So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
