Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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