just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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