once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
