we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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