So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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