I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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