Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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