There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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