Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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