Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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