Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
