oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
