One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
