Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
