normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
