I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
