Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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