TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
