You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
