Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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