You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
