Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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