On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
