i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
