Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
