I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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