Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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