I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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