my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
